It Takes a Village

Let’s talk about retirement.

I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking and talking about retirement. What it looks like. How I want it to feel. How it should work. It’s not a magic portal. You don’t walk through and suddenly you’re fulfilling your long delayed heart’s desire, at least not most of us. It’s planning, choices, and looking at the long view. Yes, it’s a transition, a profound one. But it’s also a new, ongoing way of life.

Recent meetings have been with people feeling a lack as they look at retirement. They may have lost a spouse. They may have physical and financial limitations they didn’t anticipate. The day feels too quiet and too empty. They expected more: more joy, more intimacy, more community, more life.

It takes a village.

We hear about how it takes a village to raise a child. It also takes a village to retire. Let’s look at our neighborhood.

A Financial Planner – It’s a good idea to have someone who works with you to maximize your money. No one wants to worry about paying the bills or not being able to take the dream trip.

Get an expert. Ask your friends and family for a recommendation, if you need someone. Then schedule regular check ins to avoid surprises.

A Lawyer – A doctor friend told me one of the worst things he sees is someone in limbo in the hospital. They are incapacitated and have no one designated to make care decisions. They’re stuck in the hospital while the court appoints a stranger to decide what to do. Get your paperwork in order early!

In addition to a Will, you’ll need a Durable Power of Attorney (POA), designating someone who can legally and financially act for you if you’re incapacitated. You can have a separate Healthcare Power of Attorney, specifically to make medical decisions if you physically can’t. A Healthcare Directive makes clear what medical intervention you want in case of emergencies, so you don’t leave your loved ones guessing. Share copies with your doctors and your agents.

A Primary Care Provider (PCP) – It’s easier to stay healthy than get healthy. Have a medical home. Schedule your annual physical and wellness check; they have different purposes. Have someone you can call if you need help coordinating care.

The Neighbors – I’m lucky. I live in a walkable neighborhood with good people. We don’t get in each other’s business, but we do keep an eye out for each other. We check in if something feels off. If you don’t know your neighbors, take a walk on a sunny day. Say hello to the dog walkers, the gardeners and the families on bikes. Familiar faces make home feel homier, with a sense of safety.

The Community – We thrive with a casual network of people we see regularly. Think your book club, your exercise buddies, the place you volunteer or a community group. For centuries humans survived by relying on their tribe. Who’s your tribe?

Close Friends – Yes, please. Research says we need only two or three close friends to support our mental health and wellbeing. More close friends bring additional benefits.

Since COVID it may feel like an uphill battle to make connections, so start small. Send a text. Invite someone for a walk. Meet for a warm, adult beverage. If you need more suggestions to break out of a funk, check out my video on overcoming loneliness.

You benefit from different kinds of friends. You need a ride or die, take no prisoners friend. Someone who can make you laugh even when life isn’t funny. Someone who will tell you the hard truth you need but don’t want. Be open to connection. And be that friend to others.

Who are the people in your neighborhood?* Who have I forgotten? Drop a comment below.

* Do you remember the song from Sesame Street? It’s a classic.